blog.arithm

Got a note from Japanese Grand Papa (”Jiiji”) in Nagoya.   He and “Baaba” have been obsessed with getting clothes for Layla.  A couple of days ago he apparently spotted a cute little Santa outfit and, without a second thought, whipped out his wallet and snapped it up.

Walking proudly out of the store he noticed that a number of people shopping with dogs in tow.  Looking around he also noticed that the store mannequins were… dog shaped.  He made his way back to the sales counter and asked, tentatively, “This wouldn’t happen to be a dog outfit, would it?”

“Of course” replied the confused sales clerk.

Fortunately Jiiji returned the outfit.

This whole Obama tax misquote propaganda thing is getting out of hand.

As seen on Facebook:

1. McCain Supporter changes status to “thinks she better run and buy her new ride today before all her money is taken by taxes after tomorrow”
2. Obama Supporter changes status to “<Obama Supporter> is wondering if the <McCain Supporter> is making over 250k a year, and if so, can he get a bit of the action. Hook a brother up!”
3. <McCain Supporter> at 1:24pm November 3
   Apparently you don’t watch the news, you only need to make $120K to get screwed now.
4. <Obama Supporter> at 2:03pm November 3
   Hmmm… haven’t heard that on the stations I watch. Send me a link.
5. <McCain Supporter> at 2:09pm November 3
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G88ebXY2uaI
   Bill Richardson stumping for Obama
6. <Obama Supporter> at 2:20pm November 3
   That clip says if you make <120k, you’ll get a tax cut. It does not say that if you make over it, you’ll get a tax increase, which is what I’m assuming you’re referring to. Are you defining getting screwed as not getting a tax cut, or by having your taxes raised?
7. <McCain Supporter> at 2:24pm November 3
   It’s only a matter of time.

   Moment of Zen
   

8. <Obama Supporter> at 2:26pm November 3
   In 5 billion years, the sun will turn into a Red Giant. After a few million years, it will become a White Dwarf. Then, after tens of billions of years, it will burn out. It’s only a matter of time.

The Obama guy was honest enough to follow the McCain-ite’s bulletproof logic through to it’s natural and inevitable conclusion:  If Barack Obama is elected to the Presidency of the United States of America, the sun will cease to shine. He’ll get your money… AND YOUR SUNLIGHT.
BOOGAH BOOGAH BOOGAH!

Oy vey.  Go Obama.

驚くべき情報です。This is what happens when Japanese and American horror cultures collide. Sadako actually pops in and out of the Jack O’Lantern.

Terrifying on many levels.

Pourin’ one out for the homies…

10.  Mutter to yourself in a foreign language of your own creation.

9.  Shave/pencil your eyebrows into an angry expression.  Yell and/or cry a lot.

8.  Determine how many cups of coffee is, definitively speaking, “too many.”

7.  Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting.  During the meeting noisily devour 5 entire raw potatoes.

6.  Celebrate Halloween.  Every day.

5.  Spend all your money on Jolt Cola.  Drink it all.  Stack the cans on your desk.  Number them.  Alternatively, name them.

4.  Spend all your money on Transformers.  Play with them instead of working.  If your boss says anything, confront him/her in a mysterious voice saying “They’re more than meets the eye.”

3.  Sit at your desk and stare blankly at the clock/wall.  If your boss should approach, stand, point at him/her bellowing “YOU CALL THAT WORKING?!”  Sit back down as though nothing happened.

2.  No matter what anyone asks you, reply “Okay.”

1.  Smile.  All the time.

Genuine?  Green?  Actually, I’m pretty sure it stands for

GOOD GOD!  THE TOILET IS GROTESQUELY GUSHING GALLONS!

Yes, while I’m for saving the planet and all, I think that the makers of planet-friendly, biogegradable, flushable gDiapers should have a large warning on the box:  May cause toilet to explode at 3am.

Granted, it’s my fault for not reading the instructions.  But then again, I’m a guy.  A guy with a baby.  Like I’m going to read diaper instructions.  If not a warning, the gDiaper people should at least be guy-conscious/guy-friendly and include a picture on the box indicating that the included swizzle stick is for helping the diaper break apart in water; not for ramming vast quantities of diaper down the nether regions of the toilet.

A simple drawing of an angry diaper-prodding guy with a big slash through it would suffice.

Layla is always in a good mood after getting her diaper changed.

Just like her old man.

Now that the Senate has decided to grant retroactive immunity to the telecoms (video), it probably won’t be long before the Bush Administration starts routinely tracking your search habits, mining your email, and monitoring your phone calls.  This kind of automated profiling will allow the NSA to determine, among other things, your propensity for terror.  Yes, soon the Bush Administration will be protecting us all from ourselves.

But I say, why wait?! I want the Bush Administration to protect me from myself right now!  Am I a subversive?  Could I be a terrorist?  I need to know!  And I’m sure you do as well.

That’s why I have started automatically carbon copying all of my email to George W. Bush.  Okay, well, technically I’m carbon copying them all to Dick Cheney because it would appear that Cheney reads Bush’s email for him.  But I have every confidence that Mr. Cheney will keep the president abreast of my goings on.

If you’re a Microsoft Outlook user, here’s how you too can automatically carbon copy all of your email to the White House.

1. In Mail, on the Tools menu, click Rules and Alerts.
2. On the E-mail Rules tab, click New Rule.
   
3. In the Rules Wizard dialog box, under Start from a blank rule, click Check messages after sending, and then click Next.
4. Click Next.
5. A confirmation will appear, notifying you that this rule will apply to every message that you send. Click Yes.
6. Under Step 1: Select action(s), select the Cc the message to people or distribution list check box.
   
7. Under Step 2: Edit the rule description (click an underlined value), click people or distribution list.
8. In the Rule Address dialog box, click a name or distribution list, and then click To. Repeat this step until all names or distribution lists you want to add are included in the To box.
9. Click OK.
10. In the Rules Wizard dialog box, click Next.
11. Click Next.
12. Under Step 1: Specify a name for this rule, enter a name that you will recognize for this rule.
    
13. Click Finish.

That’s it!  Now all of your email will be automatically carbon copied to Dick Cheney at the White House, who will update President George W. Bush, who will work with the NSA to figure out if you are a terrorist or not.  Because, let’s face it, who knows what you’re capable of?  Act now before it’s too late!

Sewer Horse is watching you.  Waiting.

Plotting…